“Remember that life is full of ups and downs. Without the downs, the ups would mean nothing.”

I’m sitting here in tropical Fiji, sipping on the perfect espresso martini, bathed in the rays from the most sensational sunset, whilst my children enjoy a twilight stand up paddle board. Husband is on a work conference call but all in all, life is certainly good.

Could I be anymore relaxed? I certainly don’t think so! I have not ventured anywhere near the room my children are “inhabiting” and nor have I picked up after my husband…wet towels remain on the floor, clothes are strewn around our room and there is a myriad assortment of colourful bikinis adorning the drying rack beside our outdoor Cleopatra bath.

I started this blog, with the full intention of sharing my thoughts on my first big challenge for 2017, which was erasing a month of eating and drinking my way through Europe, to discover that this rather superficial challenge was to be supplanted by a much more important but harder to conquer challenge of maintaining my close relationship with my son. For those of us, who have encountered the teenage years as a parent, they are not easy ones to predict, control or understand. Strangely enough, once being a teenager yourself, does not seem to help when it comes to parenting.

As a mother, we all have a “special” relationship with our sons, that to be completely honest, consists of us doing everything for them, forgiving them for every little oversight and being severely disappointed when they let us down. Our little boys, with the onset of puberty, suddenly become their own man, with their own opinions, expectations and ideals. For someone like myself, who is so controlling, convinced of her own rightness and obsession with perfection, it has been a steep learning curve.

Towards the end of Term 1, a couple of explosive situations with my son and a few simple home truths on our family holiday, have made me re-consider my position on parenting. Firstly, for the family unit to thrive, with the youngest now a teenager, I needed to stop yelling and start listening. Given every member of the family mentioned my yelling, I have to believe it is true and an issue. Secondly, I had to accept that my way is not the only way, to attain a certain outcome and lastly, our children do want to spend “real” time with us…just not all the time. It was a serious wake up call for me!

I suggested on our first family dinner in Fiji, that it would be fun to go around the table, with each family member stating one thing they loved about each person. It was a valuable exercise, in reminding us how much we meant to each other, which then set the tone for the overall holiday. My son and husband have now discovered a mutual love for scuba diving, spending hours together exploring the bottom of the sea, the simple act of mucking around in the surf with my son provided much needed carefree laughter for him (and I) and hours by the pool with my daughter, with no distractions apart from the frequent inquiry “Would you like a drink ma’am?”, meant I had a chance to properly listen and reflect on her confidences and thereby further consolidate our already close relationship in a relaxed environment.

In particular, by relaxing my hold on the family and really listening to my teenage children, I was rewarded with a return to our close knit family unit. Maybe now as they are older, the unworried innocence of childhood and lack of responsibility has been replaced with more grown up issues such as anxiety, fear of failure and the need for “alone” time.

However, I don’t believe it is all doom and gloom for us and the pleasure I was rewarded by seeing genuine happiness on my children’s faces and the joy I felt spending time with them, has reinforced my belief that we will successfully navigate through those difficult teenage years…at times turbulent but with the promise of calmer waters as they grow and learn to deal with those darker moments. All we can do, is accept that we need to be firm but understanding, vigilant but fair and give them all the love and attention that they need to be happy, well adjusted young adults. Furthermore, it is no reflection on us as parents, when there are those inevitable melt downs but more how we deal with guiding them through those times, that determine whether we have been successful or not as a parent.

Vinaka Fiji for making my family whole again!!